I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize