I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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