Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize