imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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