my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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