I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
