We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
