he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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