He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
