Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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