Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
