Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
