I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
