3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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