direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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