i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
