he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
