I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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