why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
