Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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