She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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