he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
not ubering you a puppy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
