Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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