Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
