Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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