I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
