Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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