tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
