Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize
