Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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