Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
