Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You smell like stripper and shame
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
