I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
