Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
