you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize