apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
