If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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