can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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