it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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