is wine microwaveable?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
