Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its not stalking. its research.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
