I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
