woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
