My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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