best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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