The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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