I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
