her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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