before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize