Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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