o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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