Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
