I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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