A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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