Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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