i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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