How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
