no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
