You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
