You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
