you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have fence marks all over my body
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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