So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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