I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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