After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
