Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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