RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
