youre lurking in front of me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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