fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
