wanna go halves on a baby?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my poor anus
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