So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he puts the penis in happiness.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
