i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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