Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have tasted many bathrooms
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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