Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
