Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
