I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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