dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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