giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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