He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
