i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
