Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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