I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
