Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
