I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize