Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
