Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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