He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
