Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
