My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
