she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bring me that man meat
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
