You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
