bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
