I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
