hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize