3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
