how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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